Here's to the Hereafter: Celebrating Life With a Party

At the Three Flames Restaurant in San Jose, Calif., the banquet hall is packed. When they get the cue, 140 people raise their glasses for a toast. A sign in the corner reads "No Tear Zone." With a fully stocked open bar, catered food, and even favors, it looks like a fabulous party—which is exactly what Ursula Stock had in mind.

"She would love what's going on," said Michael Stock, her husband of nearly 47 years. "You look around, and there are people from her second grade class! There are people from management, people from the picket line, and neighbors. She's the reason why."

It's a party Ursula Stock knew she'd never attend. She decided back in the '70s that she wanted a celebration of life instead of a funeral. So she chose everything -- from the music to the guest list, Ursula left Michael with no doubts about her final wishes.

"There was some surprise," said Michael ."The open bar was one. Some of the relatives said, 'Oh, no!' and I said, 'She's not coming back to haunt me on this, OK? That's what she wants, that's what she's going to get."

Boomers Do Funerals Their Way

Faced with aging parents and their own mortality, it's something more and more baby boomers are doing: taking life -- and death -- into their own hands.

Joanne Grady-Savard is one of them. The avid runner and president of a Boston-based staffing company has already planned her final exit.

"After funeral services, they go to my favorite spot from my running route," she said. "We would have a tent. We could have a lobster bake or a clam bake. No high heels, no black dresses; just an opportunity to sit on a bench and be in a beautiful environment."

Grady-Savard plans to have an engraved memorial bench placed at her "favorite spot," which overlooks the Atlantic on Massachusetts' South Shore. She's even developing a book of life lessons to be passed out at her funeral, instead of traditional Mass cards.

"We spend so much time and effort and energy planning our children's weddings and birthdays and anniversary parties," she said, "that this is, in my opinion, one of the most critical pieces of our life. It's something that you have control over; you manage the legacy."